I am not sure if I was typical or not. I have often heard people talking about this instant madly in love with their baby. Don't judge me, I loved him, he was our baby but I didn't have that moment that I hear women talk about. Actually I told myself I loved him for a while. I did but I had to tell myself. I am very emotional, I feel strongly and deeply but after Brody was born I struggled connecting. This is unusual for me. Here was a stranger. I didn't really know him. I didn't know his likes, or dislikes. I didn't know how to take care of him.
I struggled with Post Partum Depression. I know that there are a lot of women that do, honestly though I am just now starting to feel like I am getting over it and he is 9 months old. A lot of women that have talked about it said that it only lasted a month or two. I didn't want to tell anyone, actually you all are the first, that I have just started feeling like I am getting over it. Sometimes I still feel haunted by it. Being home with Brody has done wonders for me. I think I started connecting with him awhile ago but it did take some time but definately since I have been home we have connected. However it was just the other day that I looked at him and thought " I DO know him". I know I have so much more to learn but I know when he is hungry, tired, and all of the taking care of your baby stuff. BUT I also know that he is ticklish EVERYWHERE, I know that he likes stuffed animals and blankets, his favorite toy is probably his rubber ducky, he likes books, pictures, he loves to "talk" and to be talked to, he is stubborn and yet mostly pretty mellow, he loves to peek at you from behind a book or computer or the door or chair, he is affectionate on his terms, he loves the television, he loves holding onto something... my shirt or a blankie or again stuffed animal - mainly when he is sleepy or having a bottle, he adores his daddy, when he is mad he gets really mad and screams, mostly I know that he is loved and cherished for the boy that God has created him to be. He is such a cool kid. Maybe it's because I am his mom but he has such personality and spunk. I am so blessed to know him, love him and to be called mommy.
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2 comments:
That is a great post, Jennifer! You are blessed! Being home with the Brodster has been so good for you in so many ways! Totally a "God-thing"! I have prayed for you...and the depression. I am glad God is sustaining you and healing you! You are special! God picked you for Brody!
Love you lady!
I loved Bear from the moment I gave birth but it still took a little while for me to get to know him. I really struggled during the 16 days he was in the NICU because I felt like he wasn't mine. Having to ask permission to pick up your baby is intimidating and doesn't do much for the bonding process. I think what cinched it for me was when I got him home and he slept in the bassinet next to my side of the bed. He would wake up for the middle of the night feedings and would only fall back asleep on my chest.
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