blibber blubber blabber

I have written a lot about what God is teaching me or what's going on in my life. I have been praying a lot about the Lord renewing my mind. I have many struggles, as we all do, but certain things I guess I just really need to relinquish. So I go in spurts where I am pretty consistant in talking to God and reading his Word. Actually I am probably in the Word more then I ever have been but sometimes there is this defiance in me. I feel this pull, reminder, or whatever you want to call it daily telling me to come and spend time with him. Sometimes I do and sometimes blatantly I do not. I hate when I ignore it. I feel so sad and yucky. As I said in a previous post I have been sad lately. I think there is more going on then what I shared, some of it I know what it is but some of it I can't exactly pin point. However, I need to be in God's Word. Clearly this is going to make a difference yet I don't do it. So I woke up in the middle of the night only to be reminded that I can not do anything without God, He is the vine and I am the branches without him I can not do anything. To me this was God's way of reminding me of the importance of reading his Word and abiding in Him. That if I truly want certain areas of my mind to be renewed that I have to stop trying to do it on my own. I woke up this morning just awed again by how much God cares for me. I constantly walk away from him and he never gives up on me. Always pursuing me and reminding me of what I need in my life. I think regarding many things I am in a battle right now. I don't want to seem like I am complaining because my life is good but it's not easy. Being at home is great but maybe part of the challenge now is too much time in my head to think. :O So anway, I warned you this was blibber blubber blabber and you read it anyway. I guess the point is that this is somewhat of an update on what God is doing in my life with the lessons that he is teaching me. It's on going but he is faithful! Praise the Lord.