so sad & frustrated...

Those of you who are close to me are already aware of this but I just need to write my feelings down. I don't quite know how to stop being sad, and I am just frustrated with some relationships in my life right now. In the last year & a half I have hurt two friends. Totally two different circumstances, friends, & situations but it's weird to have this happen in such a short time frame. But apparently I have hurt these people to the point that they don't even want to be friends anymore. I am writing this now because one of the relationships is very fresh. Going through this now makes me feeling like I am reliving the other experience even though they were different situations. I understand how and why I have hurt this person but I had to make the decision that I made for myself and my family. It needed to happen and now I have lost someone who meant a lot to me in order to protect the ones dearest to me. I find myself sorry sometimes, angry other times, baffled, frustrated. I don't understand why relationships have to be this hard and hurt this much. The funny thing is that both of these friendships probably weren't the healthiest or the best for either of us involved. There needs to be some growing all around but it doesn't make it easier to loose. I truly hope that God is able to bring healing, peace and comfort. Maybe some day I will be have to have a friendship with both of them again.